IT TAKES A VILLAGE TO RAISE A CHILD, A COMMUNITY TO MAKE A FILM

“No Asians…Chinks need not apply” are some of the reserved greetings for Asian men on gay platforms. For many years, the prevalent racial rejection left me feeling ashamed of both my sexuality and ethnicity. While in mainstream media, Asian men are mocked, reviled — their stories discarded. For gay Asian men, the injustice is not always marked by explicit verbal or physical assaults. It emerges when we are silenced by the apathy towards our pain and the lack of resources to acknowledge and validate our struggles.

The alarming surge of anti-Asian violence during the Covid-19 pandemic only underscored the dangers of allowing a voiceless and marginalized population to go unheard and unaccounted for. This is why I became driven, seeking every opportunity to showcase the diversity and humanity of Asian American experiences to dismantle harmful stereotypes and foster greater understanding and acceptance.

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I’m proud to share that SWS has been selected by Film Independent for fiscal sponsorship, a testament to the impact and relevance of the project. Your generosity and contribution would make a profound difference in the success of the film in amplifying the voices of underrepresented communities.

As an incentive, 100 percent of your charitable donations may be used to reduce your taxable income.

ORIGIN OF SWS

For as long as I have lived openly as a gay man, the racial rejection in the LGBTQ dating scene has been harsh, prevalent, and eye-opening. It reached a point where I began to self-loath. A defining moment was when a stranger vehemently defended his “No Asians” profile headline on Grindr as “free speech” and a matter of “personal preference.” He callously suggested that I leave the US if I disagreed. Stifled, I found myself strangulated by my own inability to riposte. I froze and became numb, just as how I typically deal with father’s verbal abuse.

Growing up, “Du ma thang khon (wretched fuck)!” was how my father often called upon me. My father and mother, resilient survivors of the Vietnam War, endured 5 years of re-education camp before escaping a war-ravaged country in the late 90s to find refuge in the US. To survive, they simply trekked on, carrying with them the pain and ghosts of everyone and everything lost. The harsh reality of their journey left them with no time or resources to process the trauma they faced. My father, easily provoked, succumbs to bouts of blind rage that tear into me, reducing my sense of self to utter worthlessness. In response, I instinctively shrink into a defenseless toddler, shutting down both mentally and emotionally. The exchange with the stranger left me profoundly unsettled, realizing that, despite the passage of years, I am not the rational, strong adult I thought I had become.

Immigrating to the US from Vietnam at 10, I was terrified of talking, as speaking commonly resulted in classmates mocking my broken English. What stung even deeper and exacerbated my sense of alienation was the fact that it was often my fellow American-born Vietnamese classmates who ridiculed my "FOB accent.” As I began to explore my sexuality after high school, I started to shoulder a deeper form of shame and rejection. Stereotyped as a “submissive bottom” unfamiliar with Western culture, I was often preemptively rejected before given a chance to greet. I spent the vast majority of my 20s and 30s fighting off the immutable feeling of worthlessness, while trying to find a place where I felt I belonged.

I draw upon my biographical experiences in SummerWinterSummer (SWS ) to digest what I had internalized over the years. In the process, I recognized that change doesn't occur spontaneously; I must be the catalyst for the transformation I aspire to see. The journey of bringing SWS to the screen has been arduous but also rewarding, as it has initiated an imperative process of personal healing, one that demands letting go of my father's disposition to find my inner peace. My vision for SWS is to offer insight to those facing similar struggles, while igniting meaningful conversations and contribute to greater acceptance of LGBTQ Asian Americans.

**SWS is a fiscally sponsored project of Film Independent, a non-profit independent media arts organization. Film Independent will receive grants for the charitable purposes of SWS, provide oversight to ensure that grant funds are used in accordance with grant agreements, and provide reports as required by the grantor. Contributions for the charitable purposes of SWS must be made payable to Film Independent and are tax-deductible to the extent permitted by law.